I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
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I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
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can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
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o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
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I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
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