Millions of snowflakes ago...

One day he will return, his smile will remind me of everything that I loved about him. Maybe I’ll call him the same or maybe I’ll call him by a different name, because - isn’t it so? - We pick the same person over and over again, based on the same qualities that we shoot for.
After we hated each other, pushed each other away with all of our strength and we set the love
on fire many times before, I could still find the way back to you, led by a force that seems to take and pull me by my soul to bring me to you, to rediscover you like something dear to me and shake to the ground the walls that I built up around me and you would still have the keys to all of my locks. It is, though the way to me that I lost and under the pouring rain I cry for hours, wishing I could erase you. But just like some claws of sunshine you dug too deep in me and through some unknown miracle or curse I still find you here, in my heart. We are both prisoners in a place in time to which we always go back or that we never even left.
And sometimes I struggle not to breathe just so I won’t feel you anymore. You screamed your love for me when you felt in loss of control and that you’ll lose me, I truly loved you each and every time I didn’t tell you.

It's time..

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Sometimes it is hard to see the lines we've drawn until we've crossed them. That's when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back and give us something to hold on to. Then there are the clearly marked lines. The ones that if you dare cross, you may never find your way back.



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What did you learn about yourself in 2011?

Living on high level stress the past few weeks, I let myself be carried away by the thought of my winter vacation, which is fairly close. I want to do so many things: travel, go out, have Christmas dinners, party for New Year’s, shop, go snowboarding, etc. But all I really wish for is to do nothing, maybe just sit in front of the laptop or sleep, lol. I need a break, a psychical one, from all the shit I went through the last few months. Oh, nothing bad happened, it’s just the stress and constant worrying about due dates…

As we are getting closer to the ending of another year, I would like to know if you’ve learnt anything new about yourself in 2011. I feel like I’ve learnt a lot, with the help of other people as well as being in many different situations. Here’s a short list of some of the things I've learnt:

1. I am much better at handling crises than I previously thought I was.

If you manage to keep your calm and laugh at the situation, a solution will pop-up in your mind and it is usually the right one.

2. That I don’t have to know all the answers.

In any given situation, at your job or just life, you don’t have to know all the answers, and you can’t know them all for that matter, it’s just not possible. You just have to know how to find them.

3. That I don’t fear strangers.

I could say that I re-learnt this about myself. After all, some of my favorite people today were once strangers.

4. That I take more than I can handle.

I shouldn’t overwhelm myself with anything, just because I want to hurry up to finish something in a certain time. And I shouldn’t make myself available to people when they won’t do the same for me.

5. I like pretending.

I like pretending that I am someone else. Not in a social environment though, but rather on camera or in front of an audience. It is almost like playing and being a child again. Love, love it!

Is there at least one thing you've learnt about yourself this year?

Dear John,

     It's Saturday and I don't love you anymore.
People change as time goes by, other people get in between, but I will love you til the day I die.
We use them to help us forget, we use them to be reminded how to fall, to shake the dust and try again, because we've learnt that after one follows another and that no matter how real it may seem, no pain is forever. Only time can tell if resentment will chase away the love.

Saw you that cold evening,I smiled back, wondering: what the fuck do we think we found here?